Oh, the things I do to amuse myself.

Dear Diary,
I had thee worst date ever this afternoon! The date started out on an ok note...

I tried to ignore the fact that he had chosen to wear a "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" shirt on our first date. "Maybe he's just quirky," I thought to myself as we waited for our food.

"I wonder where that waiter is!" I exclaimed, trying to fill the growing silence. But, things did not get better once our food eventually arrived. He sat there in silence for the most part, staring at each bite I put into my mouth. The only time he spoke was to say, "Oh-Oh!" whenever I dropped some food on the floor. As if pointing this out wasn't embarrassing enough for me, he would then get up from the table and pick up each piece of food I dropped.

However, I was determined to try to make the best of the situation and began to try to make conversation. He was clearly not interested in what I had to say. You could tell that the entire time he was thinking, "Why does she keep talking?!"

Then, he even had the nerve to check out another woman as she passed!

As if things couldn't get any worse, at one point during the meal, he got up and dumped my entire plate of peas out onto the table.

I was so mortified. Everyone in the restaurant was staring at us!

At that point, it was clear that the date was un-salvageable, so I pulled one of the oldest "bad date tricks" in the book. I pretended to receive an important phone call from a friend.

"What?" I gasped. "You're in trouble? I'm sorry to cut our date short," I told him. "But my friend is in trouble."

He didn't seem too phased by the fact that I was leaving. He was probably happy that I was no longer keeping him from playing his video games.

So that, diary, is why I will never go out with Jack Dexter Martin again.

I wonder what weird thing he's up to right now? ....